Monday, December 20, 2004

Viagra Man Keeps a Stiff Upper Lip

I was asked to do an audition for a TV advertisement last week. The pay was in the thousands for a weeks work, so I was immediately hooked. There was one draw back. It was for a Viagra type pill……

This was an instant challenge for my male pride. "What if people I know see it" I asked? I would become known as the Viagra Man, the guy who cant get a you know what, snigger snigger. I would have to put up with jokes like; Bernard spent too much money on Viagra: Now, he's hard up and thousands like this. Fortunately, It was only going to be shown to millions in the USA, Canada and parts of South America., but wont be seen by anyone I know in New Zealand. "No problem" I said, "I will do it."

I practised my lines and spoke in an American accent all week. This drove my family mad, especially me going over my lines in the bathroom, while looking at myself in the mirror, saying how wonderful, long lasting and quick reacting this stuff is.

The day came and I was more nervous than I have been for years. Suzie, my wife came along with me to the audition to play my partner who was really interested in my new found life after death experience, so to speak…… and who wanted a piece of my action. She was to leap onto my lap and gaze hungrily at me……. This suited me just fine. Bring it on baby.

It all went well and was a lot of fun. I was confident that I would be on the short list after our great performance. I received a phone call a day later, saying that I was to be flown up to Auckland to do a final audition. Unfortunately, Suzie never got the part to play as my partner. It was going to be some other woman. I was going to have to hug, kiss and gaze lovingly into a strange woman’s eyes. I could do it, but to be perfectly honest, I didn’t actually want to do it with another woman even if its just acting.

Fortunately, I didn’t have to make a decision either way, as they changed their minds about me and went for a darker South American look. I missed the job and the thousands of dollars and the shame fame.

I wasn’t disappointed about missing it.

4 Comments:

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January 23, 2016 at 2:03 AM  

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